break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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