He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
