he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
