It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize