matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
my poor anus
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
