you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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