His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
