you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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