i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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