What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize