Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
