and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
