just tell him i said nine months
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
