Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
