so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize