you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
