I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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