Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
