I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I touched a dick in church today
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
