I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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