i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
