So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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