I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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