I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize