Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
