Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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