one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
