Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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