Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
