somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Randomize