Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You ruined the universe
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
