dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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