god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
