Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
