I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
