There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
