I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
