This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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