dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I AM VODKA MAN
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
