I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
