I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
