Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
