that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
