My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
