No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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