I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
