Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She bit a glass in half.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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