Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
