you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
