They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
only you would photoshop your dick
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
