Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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