My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
