I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
