SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
