just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
