Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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