oh god the rape fog is back!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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