Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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