how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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