She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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