I'm lost and stupid without you.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I did not marry a roomba.
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