I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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