with your own penis?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
