so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
What a dumb baby whore.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
