Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
