We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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