How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize