I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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