Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
