btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
