So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
