He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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