This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Are these your boobs on my camera?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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