My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
